Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
