matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
