What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
