Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
