Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
