If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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