I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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