oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
