So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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