First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
