dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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