For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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