I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
