At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
