I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
