I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
