I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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