mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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