i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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