i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
