Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
