so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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