at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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