Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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