wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
