I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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