Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
