she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
