Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
