Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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