The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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