I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Text me some of your sweat
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