so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize