I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
