It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
