I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I intend to get homeless drunk
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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