I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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