be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
