Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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