Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
