if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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