Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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