If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
