Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
