hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
