He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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