If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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