just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
