hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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