It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize