Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
