I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
