you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize