He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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