just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
