just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
