The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
