its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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