Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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