you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
