I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i think my tv is drunk
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
