Can i not drive my cunt home
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
