I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize