oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
