Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
