he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
