i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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