I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
