I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
