And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
