dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
