I wish my penis had an off switch
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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