break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize