Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
