I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
