my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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