You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
