Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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