I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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