have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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