hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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