I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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