Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
