things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
