just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
