EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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