"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
