why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
