I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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