Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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