so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
