Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
