She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
