in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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