i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
