and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
