Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you traded sex for a burrito?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
