my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
