He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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