saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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