whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize