i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
