need another drink. this is the easiest way
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
