singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
