so let's talk penis.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
