WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
