you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
