Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
