My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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